Oh, I had a bad day alright
Please keep in mind that these types of things ONLY happen to me. Last week was one of my busiest, most stressful weeks (besides the whirlwind in NYC) and let's just say it wasn't the best of weeks either. So, on Friday, I'm thinking ... Cinco de Mayo ... the weekend ... I'll get a few drinks and everything will be all good. WRONG! As a friend and I were leaving the office building on Friday ... Grace here (yes, my middle name as well as an appropriate personal adjective) missed one of the stairs (in my 3" heels mind you) and "gracefully" fell on her bum. Nice work, right?
It was actually extremely funny and Jason had a hard time helping me up because we were both laughing so hard. (I mean, if you just can't laugh stuff like this off, then what could be wrong with you?) Now, this is just to preface the real humor.
My house is literally 1.9 miles from my office, so even in traffic, the most it takes me to get home is a whopping FIVE minutes. (Stay with me here ... there's a point to this story and it's darn funny) Everyday when I get home the first thing I do is take my little pup out for her little restroom break. One of my roommates has a giant dog that weighs about 90 pounds. We help each other out by taking both dogs out for each other when we can. So, today, on this fine (really really HOT) Friday, I decided I would take both of the dogs out.
Our office attire is pretty casual and I tend to wear jeans a lot but I had to attend a press event earlier that morning at Neiman's so I was dressed nicely in all black. The three of us (the dogs and myself) step outside and they take care of business. Well, my little dog, who has a serious Napoleon-I-think-I'm-the-baddest-dog-in-the-universe-complex glances across the street in just enough time to see a little girl walking her little dog ... and well ... this is where it gets funny. Honey growls once and takes off across the street after the dog. When she takes off, Reese takes off and well, she's 90 lbs and pretty strong ... their sprint coupled with my 3" heels and the inability to hold my balance at this point lands me flat on my chest in the middle of my front yard ... only to be dragged across my front yard (NO! I could not make this up! Why would I?) and as my body starts to scrape onto the pavement of the street I realize that if I just let go of the leashes this comically feeble attempt at bodysurfing on the road could end.
Mind you, as this is happening, my dog Honey jumps on top of the poor dog and starts trying to maul it. The young girl simultaneously drops her leash, drops her bike, starts screaming bloody murder and runs as fast as she can down the street. AND while all of this is going on ... the neighborhood kids who are down the street playing basketball have all stopped to egg the comedy on with hysterical laughter. (Wow, this week is getting better alright!)
I finally get my dog off of the other, pick her up, grab Reese's leash and march the two of them back into our yard. As I am doing so, two of the kids from down the street walk up to heckle me by saying... "Why did you fall down?" and "Why did the dogs drag you?" ... well, friends, I am now at my limit. This is that straw ... the camel's back is officially breaking ... I look at both of them and shout "Because I'm having a bad day!" Walk through my front door and slam it shut!
When I get inside I look at myself to see dirt all over me, gravel on my cheek, my left wrist is scuffed and bleeding and my left ankle is on fire with pain! At first ... the tears came ... and then ... well, ALL I could do was just laugh hysterically, turn on the shower, and get cleaned up.
As I tell this story to each of my friends as we gather for Cinco De Mayo drinks that evening ... many start to cry with laughter ... all the while apologizing and saying "sorry, it's so not funny" while I smile and say but it SO is!
It was actually extremely funny and Jason had a hard time helping me up because we were both laughing so hard. (I mean, if you just can't laugh stuff like this off, then what could be wrong with you?) Now, this is just to preface the real humor.
My house is literally 1.9 miles from my office, so even in traffic, the most it takes me to get home is a whopping FIVE minutes. (Stay with me here ... there's a point to this story and it's darn funny) Everyday when I get home the first thing I do is take my little pup out for her little restroom break. One of my roommates has a giant dog that weighs about 90 pounds. We help each other out by taking both dogs out for each other when we can. So, today, on this fine (really really HOT) Friday, I decided I would take both of the dogs out.
Our office attire is pretty casual and I tend to wear jeans a lot but I had to attend a press event earlier that morning at Neiman's so I was dressed nicely in all black. The three of us (the dogs and myself) step outside and they take care of business. Well, my little dog, who has a serious Napoleon-I-think-I'm-the-baddest-dog-in-the-universe-complex glances across the street in just enough time to see a little girl walking her little dog ... and well ... this is where it gets funny. Honey growls once and takes off across the street after the dog. When she takes off, Reese takes off and well, she's 90 lbs and pretty strong ... their sprint coupled with my 3" heels and the inability to hold my balance at this point lands me flat on my chest in the middle of my front yard ... only to be dragged across my front yard (NO! I could not make this up! Why would I?) and as my body starts to scrape onto the pavement of the street I realize that if I just let go of the leashes this comically feeble attempt at bodysurfing on the road could end.
Mind you, as this is happening, my dog Honey jumps on top of the poor dog and starts trying to maul it. The young girl simultaneously drops her leash, drops her bike, starts screaming bloody murder and runs as fast as she can down the street. AND while all of this is going on ... the neighborhood kids who are down the street playing basketball have all stopped to egg the comedy on with hysterical laughter. (Wow, this week is getting better alright!)
I finally get my dog off of the other, pick her up, grab Reese's leash and march the two of them back into our yard. As I am doing so, two of the kids from down the street walk up to heckle me by saying... "Why did you fall down?" and "Why did the dogs drag you?" ... well, friends, I am now at my limit. This is that straw ... the camel's back is officially breaking ... I look at both of them and shout "Because I'm having a bad day!" Walk through my front door and slam it shut!
When I get inside I look at myself to see dirt all over me, gravel on my cheek, my left wrist is scuffed and bleeding and my left ankle is on fire with pain! At first ... the tears came ... and then ... well, ALL I could do was just laugh hysterically, turn on the shower, and get cleaned up.
As I tell this story to each of my friends as we gather for Cinco De Mayo drinks that evening ... many start to cry with laughter ... all the while apologizing and saying "sorry, it's so not funny" while I smile and say but it SO is!
That's too funny...and what's even better, is that I can SOOOO see you being dragged across the lawn with blonde hair and boobs everywhere! Dogs, gotta love 'em.
ReplyDeleteYou’re the only person I know that can be drug face first across a parking lot by a Mastiff and a Terrier and still have gorgeous hair.
ReplyDeleteThis is funny on so many levels, a few of which are: You have a blog; your dog’s name is Honey; you wore your 3-inch stripper shoes to walk a 90-pound dog. I could go on. Break it down line by line. The more I get to know you, the more you ARE Elaine. (Sorry about your sores.)
ReplyDeleteha ha ... kinda reminds me of the time you needed to use the donut for a few weeks at USCA. :)
ReplyDelete