I'm Just Sayin'...

"Endorphins will do that to you. So will tequila!"

"Uhm, did Kate [Gosselin] get extensions? I don't know if I can look at her without asymmetrical hair."

"Are organs on the black market that big of a thing? Like, if I harvested or had a stolen kidney who would I call? Is that in the phone book? 'Hello? Do you work for the black market? Because I have a kidney.' How does one get into that field?"

"Men don't run to me they run away from me. Except Jesus, of course."

"I may/may not have just purchased a sweet/salty surprise for you...."
"You rock! This is why you are my friend, you understand about the morbidly obese woman inside me and you don't judge. At least no more than normal..."

"Life's not fair. Get a helmet... and a boyfriend."

"I just became friends with my ex-husband on FB. How's that for nuts?"

"If you have back fat you shouldn't wear bows on your back."

"Do NOT end something because it MIGHT hurt."
"Hello CAPITAL letters."
"THAT is just to emphasize my passionate inflections."

"She has serious roots. I have roots, but I'm not on TV."
**we're talking hair color here, people.

"I'm just not the type of person that likes long walks on the beach."

"If she were nice I wouldn't judge her so much. Ok, well, I still would but I would keep it inside."

"I'm hot. I'm smart. I'm cool. He's the one with the issues. He can suck it. Please, 'scuse the language."

"How do you get dimples?"
"Uhhh, I think you're born with them?"
"No, really. Is it like a muscle thing?"

"I also might have told him that he's so much nicer when he's not saying things that make him sound like a giant d-bag."

"You better get used to it because this is just how it is. Its like double dutch — you just gotta jump in."

"I'm a big girl with big girl needs."

"Currently, I'm at moral crossroads. Gut says peace out pronto on the drama. On the other hand, I did shave my legs and buy new undies."