I'm just sayin'... (the first of 2010?!)*

"I'm at Target, do you need anything?"
"A life."
"Oh good! I think they are on sale this week."
"Ok, be sure to get me a good one!"

"That's uhhhh, in my ladyplace."

"Do people even ask that anymore?"
"Yes, they do. On slips of paper with a checkbox for 'yes' and a checkbox for 'no'. Sometimes you get a 'maybe' choice."

"Has anyone ever told you your toilet seat isn't very guy friendly?"
"No. Not many men have used my toilet."
"The seat wouldn't stay up. I felt like I needed a third arm."

"That guy was so conservative he looked like a 1962 Brooks Brothers ad. No one like that could possibly be diseased."

"There is a morbidly obese woman inside of me and she wants to eat all of this right now."

"I feel like you're not gonna be friends with me because of my teeth."

"I explained to her that while Windex promises a streak-free finish on glass, it refrains to mention the quality of clean it leaves on plastic office supplies. I thought she was going to fire me on the spot."

"Those things are not salads they are a bush with a burger on the top."

"She is a plague and scourge to the Earth. We must all bare it. Until one day I shove her off a cliff."

"I'm fully aware that I'm just a few steps removed from being a frat boy."

"I don't get on the freeway for anybody."

"It might as well say www.fbi.gov/youarenowarrested"

"Maybe you will outlive him so you can pee on his grave?"

"Charlotte is like the center of a donut when it comes to #snOMG weather. It just goes all around us."

"So while I love her personally, outside of work; professionally, she needs to up her meds."

"I just got tagged in four photos that I'm heavily debating un-tagging. These are in the questionable zone."

** Just a lil' reminder: IJS is a collection of quotes from various conversations with various friends. Swanky didn't say all (or most) of these.

Happy Friday, Peaches!