Thursday, December 31, 2009
I'm just sayin'
And the last of 2009...
"Can't you see I'm wearing boyfriend jeans. Therefore I don't want your boyfriend."
"He is full-on attached at your hip. He might as well be a fanny pack."
"You ought to see me on the dance floor at a wedding. The floor is sawdust when I'm through."
"I hope my neighbors didn't hear me playing with my Dyson."
"What the hell is Garden & Gun?"
"Because I had an image of an old woman standing in her yard with a rifle."
"Why do hotels have lighting that makes you look like you need a pound of concealer under your eyes?"
"If you'll just take Hawthorne until it turns into Queens and hang a left on Colonial... it will take you straight to regretville, a.k.a. crazytown."
"How complicated can it be?
She's into him, he's into exploring his options."
"Are you wearing sweatpants?"
"Yes, but they are Armani."
"Where was Wellbutrin the last 20 years??"
"I know where it's not at, because rest assured, he returned everything."
"I like how you effectively used the word crop dusting in a sentence earlier."
"My name is not FloJo and I'm not Marion Jones. I. Do. Not. Run."
"When I came back from Europe they asked — 'Do u have any meat products?' "
"What's your sign?"
"Oh, then you want a vodka tonic easy on the tonic."
"I'm actually putting on make-up today! Go ME!"
"Layover at LaGuardia, flight delayed an hour. Bar RIGHT next to our gate. Horrible turn of events. Getting drunk out of sheer boredom. I'm gonna send you a pic."
"I love labs. My future husband and I will have labs."
"They are 'boys' because they got 'college drunk' together one night.
Let me tell you how college drunk went..."
"I had a moment of clarity where I realized he was trying to have sex with me."
"Oh that's a tan? I thought he was another ethnicity."
"Yeah, it's like, what's your four year plan — to die?"
"Anything that's on National Geographic I'm not putting in my mouth."
"Please refuse to toss the bouquet because rounding up and pointing out all the single women is cruel and unusual punishment."
(Guy) "I can't wear skinny jeans."
(Girl to guy) "Wait, have you tried on skinny jeans?"
"Isn't that little boy adorable?
If I was into kidnapping I would totally kidnap that kid."
"I think I had a good performance dancing last night."
"I think you had a couple."
"Yeah, let's not limit it to just one."
"Aw, thanks I hope you throw up again."
"I am not a disposable thing or object."
"Men treat thinking like sex. They think it takes twenty minutes and you're done and there's no point talking about it. They have no idea."
"Its [population] about 75,ooo people."
"That's not a lot."
"Its got a Hooters, though."
"This is not an argument— its a mutually supportive conversation necessary to resolve and negotiate differences and disagreements."
"They get a cool cave, and we have to 'fall into a well'? Excuse me, Mr. Gray, please give us a more awesome place."
"What am I? Flypaper for freaks??"
"I have stuff I want to bedazzle."
"Bedazzling is not THAT bad."
"It makes me want sway and embrace myself in it."
"You are definitely more than stable."
"What year is it? 1808?"
"When was your last duel?"
"What the hell are those?"
"See, I grew up with Mardi Gras. I know beads when I see 'em."
"I feel unable to deal with things."
"I was dancing a lot... Yeah, I do remember doing that."