"I think people like that should be sterilized."
"It's not like I look awesome everyday, but I know mule pumps are so 8th grade."
"And that right there, friend, is why I disabled the texting function on my wireless plan. PICK UP THE GOSH DARN PHONE!"
"I'm just not that kind of girl. It's not a handlebar."
"I slept for like 15 hours, what am I? A newborn?"
"Trust me, if his kissing technique was any different, this night might have ended a lot differently for me."
"Its never the true shopping cart unless you have options..."
"WHO would be jealous?"
"Everyone who's NOT us."
"She just thinks you're a little more Jenna Jameson than Mary Poppins."
"Hello dear person who operates the bull, here is $15 bucks... Please make sure my friend looks hot."
"My feet are swollen like a fat girl."
"Maybe you're pregnant."
"No, I'm on the ring."
"Have you seen my elbow scar?"
"No guy will have you, you are damaged goods."
"So, I'm like a suitcase without a handle?"
"It should be mandatory that people drink your sweet tea."
"You are that Southern guy who makes me not like the South."
"I'm pretty sure if I had five more minutes I could have gotten a proposal out of that guy."