(As always, we'll leave out names to protect the ... innocent.)
"So I passed out on my bed last night, still in my clothes...with gum in my mouth. I woke up at 3am with half the gum on my finger, the other on my pillow. All I could think was THANK GOD it wasn't in my hair!!!"
"They always give me this rental car that looks like a jelly bean on wheels. You know something I could probably run faster than it drives? Or just roll it over myself ...like a jelly bean?"
"I love Northern California. I would move there in a second if it wasn't so far from my family. But, right now, I'm not so much into liking my family ... so maybe that's not such a bad idea."
"This is the in-case-we-get-separated-key. I'm putting it on the ledge above the door."
"In case we get separated? We're in West Palm Beach! And we're riding in the same car and going to the same place?!"
"Well, you never know if you're gonna meet the man of your dreams, and I'm not one to stand in your way."
"Hi, hope you are well. I dove down to 75 feet today. Are you pregnant?"
"Oh, he's getting an 'old-fashioned-talking-to' alright!"
"We both have long legs. If you didn't have such a long torso we would be the same height. You tall skinny bitch. Puuhhhhhhhhhhlease."
"It will be a miracle if I survive this wedding with my mother....
Oh, hi mom!"
"I don't know who the first boy she kissed was, but I know I was the first man."
"Ew. What's that smell?"
"Duh. The blooming trees. I love it, reminds me of spring."
"Reminds of what I'm pretty sure butt smells like."
"I was just staring that guy down... and he looked at me, like .... weird."
"That's like the time I donated my eggs."
"Whaaaaaaaaaaat?" (said by five girls in a car in unison in response to the bomber of the decades)
"We'll name your first born Margo Rita, if it's a girl, and Tommy B., if it's a boy."
"Stop coming to Florida if you're not going to call or hang out. We don't want you here. I'm going to Charlotte one day and I'm staying in a hotel and I'm not gonna call. And then when I go home I'm posting pictures of me in Charlotte. So ha."