Tuesday, August 08, 2006

Being real, it's not easy

You know how you meet people and you just click? You genuinely click. You just get each other. Well, most of my friendships since I've moved to Orlando started this way. And I know why -- I'm real, and I have surrounded myself with people that are real. I don't care if you don't care about fashion the way I do or share all of the same beliefs I do - if you are fun, cool and REAL - let's be friends.

Well, when I met Billy, my roommate/best friend's boyfriend, we clicked. (No, not like that. I just got finished talking about friendship - geez!) He's real, so much fun, and loves Tara SO much, you can see it when he looks at her. (It's so darn cute!) But, anyhow, because we both care about Tara so much, we already have a lot in common.

I guess I should preface with this: I'm also an honest gal, anyone who has ever met me knows that! (And it's a good thing too, I'm a terrible liar. :) I'm pretty real, I prefer honesty. If I don't really like you, I'm not going to pretend I do. If I don't agree with you, I'm not going to pretend I do. If I've got an issue, I'm going to confront you about it and talk it out. (Don't get me wrong, I'm definitely not catty - I'll always act like an adult about it. I just won't be fake.) I'll take an awkward situation over being dishonest or fake - any day of the week.

I also wear my emotions on my sleeve - which is a double-edged sword. I can't hide when something is bugging me, and I can't pretend to be okay, when I'm not. And Billy, one of my favorite people in the world, was in town this weekend and we had a "chat", if you will. (Chat is an understatement, we got REAL.)

Billy didn't sugarcoat anything, and I like it. He's like my brother, and he knows me so well, it's like he sees (always knows) what I'm thinking. He called me out on more than one occasion - he knew exactly what I was thinking (and was trying to pretend that I wasn't). Okay, where am I going with this? Let's see, how to put it? I guess he helped me learn a little something about life and relationships. Sometimes friends have to help you dig up a little dirt in your own life and kind of help you sift through it. Basically, as honest as I am with everyone else, sometimes I might not be so honest with myself. (And in a way, makes me no better than a liar.) When I sat there and tried to hide (from myself and Billy) what I was thinking, he saw it. AND, he pointed it out. (That's a friend, friends!) But, then, he sat there and let me talk it out. Not only do I expect people to be honest with me, I should expect to be honest with myself. Then, when situations arise, I won't be surprised, dissapointed or hurt. (Face the music early and you won't have to stay for the opera ... ya know?)

When my friends are honest with me (and don't worry so much about my feelings - real friends don't just tell you what you want to hear) it means the world to me.


And, I have to say it. (And we all know this, I mean life is growing up, right?) It's tough to deal with the ugly stuff, but when you do, you feel a whole lot better. I'm sure there will be more personal dirt to dig up (matter of fact, I know so) but, I've definitely got the friends to help me get through it. And it will be worth it because it will make me just that much better of a person.

So, thanks for the "chat" Billy ... you know I'm back. :)


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