California Crackberry Chronicles

I just got back from a week in California. It was amazing, of course, and full of great times. Please enjoy a compilation (thanks to Sabrena & her trusty blackberry!) of "The Best of" quotes from the week in Sonoma County. (It is forever interesting when you place a group of writers together for adventure -- it's even better when you put a Mormon, a gal from Scottsdale by way of Chicago, a Southern Belle and an East Coast New Yorker (all under the age of 30, mind you) together -- oh the things that we will say!

Here we are on the front steps of the Honor Mansion (our humble abode for the week). We were waiting to start our bike tour of some of the vineyards. (I'm smiling now, I was not smiling after the ride, it's long -- rolling hills in California are mountains in Florida! -- and well, have you ever tried to ride a bike after a few glasses of wine?)

The Terminal (but with no Tom Hanks)
"You can never predict love." -Traci on Melissa's Pomeranian golden retriever etc mutt

"Why did you say Yes?" -Traci to Meliss on the terrorist looking gentlemen who Meliss said could sit down at our table (not to profile, but come on, he really was. . . )
"I don't know." -Melissa on why she said "yes" (while speaking on the cell phone)

"My cousins are from Orlando, they shop at like, Wet Seal or something." –Jax after Melissa’s comment on Floridians fashion style, er, lack thereof

"Is this like girls gone wild Sonoma style-"show me the money?" –Suites on the fact that the entire press trip was women, minus Rob

Room with a View (a.k.a accoutrements up the WAZOO!)
"This is like, soooo spoil you fun." -Julie

"Two bathtubs to choose from." -Samara

"There're more pillows on these beds than a department store." –Jessica

"That one's a fat ass." -Jax on the beautiful koi fish

Jess on Suites Mother being allergic to eggs
"She can't eat a damn sandwich?"
"I mean -- birthdays-- what does she do . . . put a candle in a puddle of wax?"

To describe that bloated feeling after a yummy press dinner
"Raise your hand if you're muffin topping."-Jessica **obviously, an academy award nominee

Boutique shopping in downtown Healdsburg
"I would pet myself all day if I had these pants." -Suites (um, why did you not buy those pants?)

"Whoa, that's one big ass doily." -Suites

"We just rocked their world." -Jessica on "us" walking past a bar of men

"You know what's worse than a thong that's too tight? A thong that's too lose..."-Jess

"OMG you look like Justin Timberlake." -Meliss on Suites trying on baggy Diesel jeans (which Suites still maintains were not really that baggy. . .just a little more Girbaud than "7")

Antique Best
"Did y'all see this chicken clock?" -Meliss *** (nominee)

"I like pictures of old dead people." -Jessica in the antique store

Mad Lib Mania
please note: all taken from context while working on Napoleon Dynamite Mad Libs after a bottle (or two?)
"Indigenous tube top." -Melissa **honorable mention for best quote

"You don't really think of the joints do you?" -Jess

"I don't even know what your appendages are - you know besides your torso."

"I totally just hyphenated hairball." -Jax ** another honorable mention

"I hate nouns," -Jax muses.
"You are a noun," -Jess retorts. "But, like, seriously, you are."

"People in LA do lines, we do 'libs'." -Jess on our mad lib mania versus mind altering substances

"I just don't get these kids today." -Jess on meth addicted A-lister "it" girls

"We're like naked chicks doin' mad libs in a hot tub." -Jax

"I know the Hamptons..." -Jax

"You just sounded like Eminem... But don't you think so?" -Jess

On various foods and beverages
"We were so hungry, all we did was taste wine this morning." -Meliss

"I've got some stomach issues." -Jess

"If there's one temptation you want to give into ... It's hotdogs." -Jessica
"I second the motion...I mean sometimes I just want to go in a bush and eat hotdogs."-Traci

"One time I had a stomach problem..." -Jess

"They can make milk out of anything..." -Traci

"I'm also a carbatarian..." -Traci

"I don't know how to feel about this." -Jessica on "the skate” . . . It's like a fish pancake

"Sliders and nails... How many can I eat?" -Traci

"I'm like a fast food connoisseur-- if I could pick a way to die, I'd eat myself to death." -Jessica

"By ten you're snockered..." -Cathy Seghesio

"I'm normally not a fan of alternative sausages." -Samara
"Soy sausage is not sausage." -Samara

"White castle is my favorite restaurant in the whole world." -Jess

"I drink cosmopolitans like every other girl." -Meliss on the virtues of martini-chic liquid as opposed to redneck jack-n-coke

Some other stuff
"That laugh was so high I think dogs heard it." -Traci on Suites laugh

"He's a lot like me, fun, cool good looking..." -Jessica on her boyfriend

"Learn from me, I'm very wise." -Jessica

"Somehow when you go past 3 drinks, you easily slip into... 12." -Julie

"Flummoxed is a great word..."someone (maybe Suites?)
"And very under utilized...."-Traci

Last Days
"O.P. [as in Ocean Pacific] is like making a comeback- and I'm like if you can't beat ‘em, join ‘em!"

"Hellooooooooooooo, Jewish girl camping..." -Traci

Suites and I prior to the "official" start of our little biking adventure. (Notice I was smiling then ... too bad we don't have an "after" pic.) :)

"Let me tell you about my chaffing issues... My crotch is on fire." -Melissa on bike riding the Northern California wine country

"Spelunking for hipsters at Bella." -Suites (I must say it's the first time I've tasted wine in a cave!)

"It was like a requirement for me ...I couldn't buy a pair of jeans unless they had a hammer strap." -Jess on carpenter jeans -- a fad that (thankfully) died **honorable mention

"Italian men don't communicate well..." –Cathy, Seghesio Wine Tasting Room

"10 years is old for a house plant, not for a vine..." -Cathy

My travel gals, a few other journalists and Cathy Seghesio (the cute blonde) in the Seghesio tasting room.

The San Francisco Chronicles
"Dateline's over...Dammit." -Jax on what to watch

"I have a problem with restrictive religions."-Jax
"I'd be a Mormon, but I couldn't give up drinking." -Jax

"Do they have a Pizza Hut? I really like those mini pizzas." -Jessica

And what the hell is the "postal police?"


  1. Anonymous11:19 AM

    OK ... so even though I have no idea what some of those words mean, that's quite possibly the funniest thing I've read in days.



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